Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Beautiful, you.

“Men go abroad to wonder at the heights of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long courses of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motions of the stars, and they pass by themselves without wondering.”
--St. Augustine

"...You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body."
--Psalm 139

Becoming a mama makes you vastly more aware of the miracle of human life. I marvel at the depths of the universe, the glory of the celestial expanse that stares down upon me, night and day. But from the time of our creation in the womb, to the day of our birth, to the day of our death, we are a mighty, mighty miracle; and it honors me to be a chosen one who experiences the miracle of carrying a child in the womb and shepherding them through life. It stops me in my tracks.

On days when I feel selfish or grouchy or impossible, I stop to think about the miracle of my life and the beautiful miracles that surround me, and I feel that gentle nod from Heaven to keep going. He's not done with me and there are mighty moments to be had.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Every Day I...

...will praise.

Written by Shane Barnard.
Psalm 145....a Psalm of praise.

great is the Lord, so worthy of praise
great is the Lord

one generation will
commend Your kingdom
to one another
they will speak of You
and i will meditate
on Your wonder
and they, they will speak
of Your glorious splendor
of Your majesty
everyday i'll praise thee
forever and ever

everyday i will praise
for You open Your hand
and satisfy desires of all things
my God the King

the Lord is gracious
and slow to anger
He is rich in love
He is good to all

all who call on Him
in truth He is near to
and He hears their cry
and saves them

*this is an older video of the guys, but it is still a mighty picture of praise.

Whenever I listen to the Psalms, I can't help but sigh in full contentment. It brings on this firey, passionate joy in my heart.

What do the words do for your own heart??

Sunday, July 25, 2010

An orchestra

"I endeavor
To hold the I as one only for the cloud
Of which I am a fragment, yet to which I'm vowed
To be responsible.
Its light against my face
Reveals the witness of the stars, each in its place
Singing, each compassed by the rest,
The many joined to one, the mightiest to the least.
It is so great a thing to be an infinitesimal part
of this immeasurable orchestra the music bursts the heart,
And from this tiny plosion all the fragments join:
Joy orders the disunity until the song is one."
---Madeleine L'Engle

Friday, July 23, 2010

Dear Verona

A conversation between Nathan, Jamie, and myself that we had tonight as we scampered to the dollar theater to catch Letters to Juliet and give me a break from the cave that I've been hiding in for two days. (sort of hiding out, I did happen to buy a purse today. I heart Fossil!)

Jade: This movie is going to make me want to run away to Italy.
Jamie: This movie is going to make me want to quit my job and move to Italy to find me an Italian man.
Nathan: This movie is going to make me want to go out to my mom's land in Bethel and ride a minature horse and grow my hair out long.

Now, really, this is probably not even funny to you, you who are reading this so patiently, but we had ourselves a good laugh. And the movie is ridiculously cheesy and sappy and mushy, but we had fun.

And as a bonus, Nate bought me a taco afterwards :)

Thursday, July 22, 2010

You are a TOY!

This pregnancy has made me so much more sentimental than I ever thought I was capable of being. So many little things that Wesley does just makes me want to cry. He is growing so fast, and his sweetness sometimes just amazes me. Of course, his natural, human, two year old instincts tend to rule HIS own emotions, but overall, he is an extraordinarily fun kid and we love to go on our marvelous adventures. He loves to "camp out" and "hide" with lots of blankets and a flashlight and he is stretching out to be such a tall kiddo. :) I'm excited to meet the little brother in just about 15 weeks. To see his personality, his face, his hands and his feet. Those first days are so precious and sweet, and I am excited to experience it all over again. Children are such a gift....and it pains me to think about all the children in the world who need a home, a forever family.

I got to ichat last night with my friend Charity and her precious little newborn, Olivia. :) (And Ricky too hehe) and I forget how tiny those newborns are. They are so precious and perfect and Olivia was perfect all swaddled in her moses basket...sweet little papoose. I think she is amazing already and can't wait until I get to hold her in November when they come for a visit. (Though she will be so changed when Thanksgiving rolls around hehe) But at that time we will have OUR precious little (sort of little since I apparently birth big babies lol) newborn and it is going to be so wonderful! I can't wait to hold little brother this fall....it's going to be spectacular! (I'm already tired, so I'm not even going to worry about the sleepy eyes I will be having constantly. hehe)

Anyways, one of my most favorite things in the world is to look at, to buy, and to play with Toys. I always walk through the Toy section at Target or HEB when I'm there and any chance that I can get to walk through Toys R Us, I am ALL OVER that because I have such a fondness for toys.

It seems my son has adopted that same preference....we have incredible adventures in his room, on my bedroom floor, under a homemade tent, or on the kitchen floor with his "guys". He carrys them (his favorite toys that he calls his "guys") everywhere with him and we tuck them in for naptime and bedtime and he tries to feed them his snack (what a good sharer). hehe.

Obviously with the Toy Story 3 pandemic going on, Wesley jumped right on that bandwagon, and quotes the first and second movie left and right. Yesterday, I caught Wesley laying on his stomach having a staring contest with our dog, Stormy, and yelling at her "YOU ARE A TOY!". It was on of those little moments that you just can't help but feel so blessed for having the gift of imagination. It's no secret that I tend to lose myself in the daydream world (My dad used to call me, Nichol, the Dreamer) and I always doodle imaginary castles in the sky and make up stories in my head.

I love seeing that in Wesley. He is a kid with a pretty big heart, but his imagination is one of my most favorite things about him. It's a wonderful, freeing, joyous thing to see your child sit on the floor with some ordinary toys and create a wonderland of fun for you to partake in.

The wonderful thing is that I married a man who has a great imagination to fit in with our zany days. It's so wonderful to have family playdates together. They don't happen nearly enough because we seem to consistently have things pile up, but I've made it a goal to make those sweet days happen more often.

Family playdates are just good for the soul. Especially when Buzz and Woody are involved.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Getting Cosmic

I often wonder why I surround myself with clutter. Stacks of pictures, stacks of paper, boxes of crayons, book after book after book stacked upon one another like the leaning tower of Pisa. Really, is it necessary?

Obviously pregnancy consists of "nesting" in different stages, where clutter gets slowly removed, and something that slightly resembles organization takes it's place. That is one major plus in the pregnant world. I love having every spot in my house organized and not "shut out" by a door that hides the crazy stacks of unnecessary rubbish. It is so very freeing. And really, I wonder why I don't make a habbit of having every dish washed before bed, and having everything neatly put away on a regular basis. When you wake up to a well put together (tidy) home, the sunshine just seems brighter, the colors deeper, and the cheerfulness of the day is so much more tangible.

Oh that's right, one major reason I don't keep a perfectly tidy house....this little jumping bean that is my firstborn. He can rip through this house like a tornado in the middle of the night, unleashing his power on the poor, unsuspecting parent folk. Thankfully, he has this catchy little "clean up" song that helps to motivate him to pick up after himself (I suspect he learned it from Tawny because I've never heard it before).

Last night, Tawny and Nick introduced us to a good friend of theirs that they've known and loved for many many moons. Well, to say that this guy challenged me in just one short conversation is sort of an understatement. I haven't been moved like that in months. I cringe at the thought of saying "years" to those months, but truly, my life has been this one big spare room of clutter. There are these unnecessary blockades stacked up around my heart, causing me to ignore the very thing that I need to keep close to it. And this brief (I so wish it could have been longer, really...) conversation with this man gave me enough pause in my cosmic battle of the clutter to look around at my surroundings and see that there isn't a way for me to fight off these dragons on my own. (I say dragons because that has been Wesley's imaginary adversary lately...he'll say things like "There's a dragon in the bathroom, oh no!") I need to turn to the only help that will ever be worth seeking.

The very first verse I memorized as a youth was "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High, shall abide in the shadow of the Almighty" (Psalm 91:1)
The very second verse that I memorized after that was "I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might no sin against you." (Psalm 119:11)
(Shout out to Lynn and Darren for teaching me those verses) :)

As cheesy as it seems, when we were driving home from Coffee Waves (it was the latest that this old married couple had stayed out in a while...hehe) these verses of my youth rang loud and clear in my head. I don't know if it's because memories were stirred up by our conversation (I shared a little bit of my testimony with everyone) or if it was just me being dramatic in my head, but I was flooded with memories of my teenage self, passionately pursuing righteousness, loving people where they were at and not where I wanted them to be, desperately looking for solutions instead of wallowing in the problems. Where was that girl? And when did I become so consumed with the gross commercialism of this world? Clint (Nov's friend) reminded me that this world is as close to hell as I'm ever going to get. I'm destined for glory. So why not live glory-minded?

Phhhhrrrppppbbbah. Yes. That's my frustrated sound as I rake my fingers through my tangles, wondering what I need to do to challenge myself more every day. What good does it do to have these cosmic battles in my head when I can simply de-clutter my life, hide His word in my heart (again), and seek the shelter of the Most High? It seems ridiculous to fight the inevitable, yet I continue to make stacks of unnecessary stuff pile up around me. I sort of picture myself as Aladdin trying to get away from the lava in the Cave of Wonders....thankfully the real life stacks of pictures, books, and other things aren't physically hurting me. That would kind of stink. (Oh, as a side note: we did have a garage sale last week and we can now officially park in the garage again! Good news, especially when it gets to 110 degree heat index and you drive a black vehicle. I'm lovin' the space!) :)

But really, moving on, to live simply, to live holy, to live authentically. It's not all that complicated. I don't know why I feel the need to become all cosmic and complicated. I just need to fight the clutter. And I'm thankful that I have a defender, and I don't have to be the one to fight the dragon. Unless it's the imaginary one lurking in my son's bathroom.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Hey, it's July?

Is it bad that in order for me to know what is going on in my life, I have to check my iphoto??
So big news flash; we have been crazy busy. (insert sarcastic smile). Nate has been working like mad. Wesley is growing entirely too fast. And I am just getting ickier and stickier with this awful heat and icky sticky muggy weather we have been having. :)

But the fun news is that when I look down at my belly, sometimes I can catch a glimpse of baby shoving against it and it's so exciting to feel the movement of the womb. SO fun.

Also, who knew that Wesley giving up the paci would be harder on me than on him. Granted, he asks for it occasionally and sleeps a little more restless than before, but I just feel such a "loss" at that major baby need that's been taken away. It was more the husband than myself on establishing the "no more paci" rule. If it had been my choice, I would have clung to the baby ways and let him have it as long as his wittle bitty baby heart desiwerd. Get my drift? haha

But in truth, I'm pleased with how well the kiddo has taken to the new rule. Who am I to deny him the joy of growing up? :) I can't hold him back, nor would I honestly want to. But you mom's out there know what I'm getting at. It's a sweet ache in the heart to see your former needy baby turn into this independent, well balanced, salad eating child, ready to do a somersault off the couch at any chance he can get. Seriously, an Olive Garden commercial came on and he said "I want to eat that salad and bread".....he is my child. :)

I have some deeper, more interesting topics to discuss and lay before you, but I am about to babysit Wesley's little buddy, Kya, so I can't sit here for long. Plus, it's about time to wake up the little adventurer, so I'm going to have to run.

Interesting conversation to come, honest. :)