Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Getting Cosmic

I often wonder why I surround myself with clutter. Stacks of pictures, stacks of paper, boxes of crayons, book after book after book stacked upon one another like the leaning tower of Pisa. Really, is it necessary?

Obviously pregnancy consists of "nesting" in different stages, where clutter gets slowly removed, and something that slightly resembles organization takes it's place. That is one major plus in the pregnant world. I love having every spot in my house organized and not "shut out" by a door that hides the crazy stacks of unnecessary rubbish. It is so very freeing. And really, I wonder why I don't make a habbit of having every dish washed before bed, and having everything neatly put away on a regular basis. When you wake up to a well put together (tidy) home, the sunshine just seems brighter, the colors deeper, and the cheerfulness of the day is so much more tangible.

Oh that's right, one major reason I don't keep a perfectly tidy house....this little jumping bean that is my firstborn. He can rip through this house like a tornado in the middle of the night, unleashing his power on the poor, unsuspecting parent folk. Thankfully, he has this catchy little "clean up" song that helps to motivate him to pick up after himself (I suspect he learned it from Tawny because I've never heard it before).

Last night, Tawny and Nick introduced us to a good friend of theirs that they've known and loved for many many moons. Well, to say that this guy challenged me in just one short conversation is sort of an understatement. I haven't been moved like that in months. I cringe at the thought of saying "years" to those months, but truly, my life has been this one big spare room of clutter. There are these unnecessary blockades stacked up around my heart, causing me to ignore the very thing that I need to keep close to it. And this brief (I so wish it could have been longer, really...) conversation with this man gave me enough pause in my cosmic battle of the clutter to look around at my surroundings and see that there isn't a way for me to fight off these dragons on my own. (I say dragons because that has been Wesley's imaginary adversary lately...he'll say things like "There's a dragon in the bathroom, oh no!") I need to turn to the only help that will ever be worth seeking.

The very first verse I memorized as a youth was "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High, shall abide in the shadow of the Almighty" (Psalm 91:1)
The very second verse that I memorized after that was "I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might no sin against you." (Psalm 119:11)
(Shout out to Lynn and Darren for teaching me those verses) :)

As cheesy as it seems, when we were driving home from Coffee Waves (it was the latest that this old married couple had stayed out in a while...hehe) these verses of my youth rang loud and clear in my head. I don't know if it's because memories were stirred up by our conversation (I shared a little bit of my testimony with everyone) or if it was just me being dramatic in my head, but I was flooded with memories of my teenage self, passionately pursuing righteousness, loving people where they were at and not where I wanted them to be, desperately looking for solutions instead of wallowing in the problems. Where was that girl? And when did I become so consumed with the gross commercialism of this world? Clint (Nov's friend) reminded me that this world is as close to hell as I'm ever going to get. I'm destined for glory. So why not live glory-minded?

Phhhhrrrppppbbbah. Yes. That's my frustrated sound as I rake my fingers through my tangles, wondering what I need to do to challenge myself more every day. What good does it do to have these cosmic battles in my head when I can simply de-clutter my life, hide His word in my heart (again), and seek the shelter of the Most High? It seems ridiculous to fight the inevitable, yet I continue to make stacks of unnecessary stuff pile up around me. I sort of picture myself as Aladdin trying to get away from the lava in the Cave of Wonders....thankfully the real life stacks of pictures, books, and other things aren't physically hurting me. That would kind of stink. (Oh, as a side note: we did have a garage sale last week and we can now officially park in the garage again! Good news, especially when it gets to 110 degree heat index and you drive a black vehicle. I'm lovin' the space!) :)

But really, moving on, to live simply, to live holy, to live authentically. It's not all that complicated. I don't know why I feel the need to become all cosmic and complicated. I just need to fight the clutter. And I'm thankful that I have a defender, and I don't have to be the one to fight the dragon. Unless it's the imaginary one lurking in my son's bathroom.

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing! I feel like I can relate in many ways. Clutter inside and out and the passion of my youth fading. And that verse Psalms 91... I recently memorized that verse... it was my verse to quote while in labor. Love that verse! Prayers to you that you will keep your passion burning bright!

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  2. Jade, for most of my life, I've had a problem with cluttering. It's SUCH a neverending chore to keep things picked up, and picking up clutter is SO T&B (tiring and boring). It helped when I married a man whose mother's toilets were so clean, you could drink out of them. He can handle a little clutter, but when it gets to be too much for him, he starts clearing and tossing like a crazed man. So I've learned to keep things picked up somewhat, because I don't want all my stuff to end up in the landfill.

    I guess that after 26 years, it's rubbed off on me, because now when I'm in a room that's really cluttered, I feel like I'm in the midst of chaos, and I want to run and hide. So maybe there's hope for me yet. :-)

    Tawny's Mom

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