Saturday, November 12, 2011

Baby, baby, oh baby!

Yea. I've had baby fever bad.
Several of my friends are pregnant.
Spencer has turned one.
I told myself I'd give myself until his first birthday before I even THOUGHT about any more kids.
But truly, I've been baby feverish since he was born. Daydreaming about another baby, thinking how wonderful it would be to have kids close in age.

It was a weird feeling, holding my sweet, little Spencer in my arms at the hospital. He was perfect. Healthy. Whole. And so beautiful. So, so very beautiful. Wesley was beyond amazing. The superb big brother. So much joy was just rolling off him. Our sweet little family of four felt so, so good.

But I still felt like our family was incomplete. Don't call me ungrateful for what I've been given, but I just felt it in the very depths of my being that our family was still missing a piece. I cherish my little men, and my beautiful husband so closely to my heart. I wake each day with a thankfulness that I cannot even begin to express in the language of men.

But I still feel like there is someone missing from the equation.

Mom friends of mine who are "done" having kids have told me that  you just "know" when it's time. I know we could get into all sorts of discussions about that, but I can honestly understand the intuitive feeling of "knowing" that you just aren't done having babies. Even when our society says STOP making babies. Even when people suggest that the world is only growing sadder and more chaotic. Even when the economy fuels hopelessness into the human heart.

I still feel like our family isn't complete. Nate felt it too.

I'm not saying we're going to get pregnant soon. I'm not saying adoption is out of the question. I don't know where our family is going. I can only cuddle my children, kiss my husband, and keep living each day full of thankfulness.

This is the month that we celebrate thanksgiving.

And I am so, so thankful for the babies in my life. Especially the two that look like me and Nate. :)


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